10 funniest lines uttered by Jewish characters



“Mel Brooks attending a ceremony to receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame” by Angela George.

Film and television have given us some standout Jewish characters and here are some of the funny lines they have delivered on screen.

  1. “I know, I know — we are Your chosen people. But, once in a while, can’t You choose someone else?”
    -Tevye, “Fiddler on the Roof” (1971)
  1. “We have so much in common: her favorite color is black, my favorite color is black; her parents murdered by Cossacks, my parents murdered by Cossacks.”
    -Herschel Greenbaum, “An American Pickle” (2020)
  1. “Alright, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”
    -Reg, “Monty Python’s Life of Bryan” (1979)
  1. “We were chosen by God — you were chosen by a pathetic little man who can’t even grow a full mustache.”
    -Elsa, Jojo Rabbit (2019)
  1. “There’s things here! There’s rocks, there’s trees, there’s birds, there’s squirrels – come on, we’ll bless them all until we get vashnigyered.”
    -Rabbi Tuckman, “Men in Tights” (1993)
  1. “You rush a miracle, you get rotten miracles.”
    -Miracle Max, “The Princess Bride” (1987)
  1. “I don’t roll on Shabbos!”
    -Walter Sobchak, “The Big Lebowski” (1998)
  1. “If Jews control the media, why can’t I get on Jimmy Kimmel?”
    -Krusty the Clown, “The Simpsons”
  1. “Did you hear the one about the Jewish terrorist? He was gonna hijack a plane, but he didn’t wanna use his miles.”
    -Hesh Rabkin, “The Sopranos”
  1. “I didn’t want to throw you off with too much Jewiness on a first date.”
    -Rabbi Raquel, “Transparent”

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