A local community has come together to support its rabbi after his younger brother died in a freak accident in the middle of March.
Rabbi Uri Topolosky of Kehilat Pardes-The Rock Creek Synagogue and his family are mourning the loss of Elik Topolosky, a husband and father of two who lived in Frederick.
The younger Topolosky, 39, was driving on the George Washington Memorial Parkway on the morning of March 12 when a tree fell on his vehicle. He was pronounced dead at the scene.
“My brother was a wonderful husband, a dedicated father [and] a great brother,” Rabbi Topolosky said. “[He was] one of four brothers, all very different, but [a] very, very close, powerful unit.”
The rabbi drew parallels between his family and the Passover story, emphasizing the holiday’s importance to them.
“The four children of the Seder was always a sweet part of our family, Seder with the four brothers,” Rabbi Topolosky said. “It’s going to be a gaping hole this year that we’re going to try to fill with meaningful memories, and I’m sure with a few tears, too.”
The Rockville rabbi shared the news with Elik’s 6-year-old son and then 3-year-old daughter after the accident.
“I asked his son if he understood what I was telling him, and he said yes,” Rabbi Topolosky said. “And I asked him what he was feeling, and the first thing that he said to me — I’ll never forget — he said, ‘I’m sad because I know he was a good dad.’
“I feel so blessed that that’s the legacy [Elik is] leaving with his kid, who remembers Dad as a good dad. He had this giant smile that everybody knows him for, a big, big smile.”
Elik had a unique relationship with each of his family members: his mother, father, three brothers, nieces and nephews. An avid texter, he often sent messages tailored to each relative’s interests in an effort to connect.
“It was all about us; less about him,” Rabbi Topolosky said. “Actually, I feel bad that I didn’t ask more about his job and his work and his passions and his friends.”
A 2004 graduate of Berman Hebrew Academy, Elik was deeply passionate about Jewish life. Passover was a particularly meaningful holiday for him.
“He was so enjoying the last few years, especially as his son was old enough to really appreciate the Passover Seder and to be fully present,” Rabbi Topolosky said of his brother. “It brought him so much joy to share that with his son.”
Elik and his family regularly visited Kehilat Pardes for Shabbat while also remaining active at his local synagogue in Frederick. Aside from his role as a family man, Rabbi Topolosky described his younger brother as an “idea guy.”
“He had lots of ideas [on] how people can improve their lives through technology, through finance … He always had a good idea,” Rabbi Topolosky recalled. “And whenever he had a good idea, he liked to share those ideas.”
The Topoloskys are coming to terms with the suddenness of the accident, a grief that was eased with support from both members of Kehilat Pardes and individuals from the wider Jewish community.
“My community really stepped up to support us, and I feel really, really grateful for all of them,” said Rabbi Topolosky, who hosted shiva for the mourners in his home.
Members of the Kehilat Pardes community helped support the shiva house every morning, setting up food and drinks, stopping in throughout the day to take out trash and replenish the food, coming at night to clean the house and “all of those things that we just couldn’t do because we were just sitting in mourning and in grief,” the rabbi said.
Community members showed up for minyanim and filled the Topoloskys’ home with supporters as they said the Mourner’s Kaddish.
Rabbi Topolosky said the visitors made him realize he wasn’t alone. “Many people walked into our home: those who have lost siblings like me, those who have lost children, like my parents, those who have lost people too soon, like so many of us,” he recalled. “There was something so tragic and awful about that, and oddly, something very comforting as well, sort of joining a very unfortunate but loving ‘club’ and knowing that there’s a whole world of support and love and understanding around us. Holding each other’s grief in a meaningful way was very helpful.”
The community also rallied around Rabbi Topolosky’s wife, Dahlia, and four kids. “Each of my four children had a very, very special relationship with their uncle,” he said. “[They’ve] watch[ed] circles of friends come to support them and see[n] the community help them in different kinds of ways.”
Members of Kehilat Pardes also stepped in to ensure that Rabbi Topolosky wasn’t overwhelmed by his pastoral duties.
“They supported me, the rabbi, taking everything off my plate and distributing responsibilities throughout the community so that the synagogue could continue to operate in its fullest sense,” Rabbi Topolosky said.
He also expressed gratitude for Dean Grayson, the president of the Men’s Chevra Kadisha of Greater Washington, a volunteer organization that cares for Jewish people at the time of death.
“This was not simple,” Rabbi Topolosky said of Elik’s death. “This was a car accident, very tragic, on federal park lands. There were jurisdiction issues crossing state lines. There’s a lot of things that could have made this even more complicated from a logistical perspective.”
He is grateful for Chevra Kadisha and its partnership with Yad Yehuda of Greater Washington for arranging Elik’s March 15 funeral and caring for his body in the interim, Rabbi Ariel Sadwin of Agudath Israel of Maryland for navigating the medical examiner’s office and Glenn Easton of Garden of Remembrance Memorial Park for arranging the Clarksburg burial.
“These are all individuals who are never looking for recognition, but who supported our family in a terrible, terrible timely need,” Rabbi Topolosky said. “We just wanted to make sure that we show our appreciation and gratitude for all the things they’ve done for us and, no doubt, for so, so many others who have suffered through these moments.”
