Julie Lundy Weinblatt felt that she was mourning alone when she learned that Shiri Bibas and Bibas’ two young boys had been killed in captivity in Gaza. Their bodies were returned to Israel by Hamas on Feb. 20 and 21.
“I didn’t feel like I had really been in the collective space since maybe October 2023 to process those heavy feelings, and I didn’t necessarily feel called to until we got word that Shiri, Ariel and Kfir were coming home as bodies,” Lundy Weinblatt said.
Talking to fellow mothers at shul and her son’s school, Lundy Weinblatt discovered that she wasn’t alone: “It was so heavy for all of the moms.”
So the life coach and mom of three contacted Devorah Buxbaum, the founder of a grassroots Jewish organization, to set up a community circle for Jewish mothers in memory of Shiri Bibas.
More than 100 women from a dozen local Jewish organizations gathered at Magen David Sephardic Congregation on Wednesday to share in their grief and discuss ways to move forward.
“It’s an opportunity for women to come together,” Lundy Weinblatt said.
Mourning
Lundy Weinblatt and Buxbaum led the conversation, emphasizing that although neither of them knew Shiri Bibas personally, they both felt a strong connection to the Israeli mother.
“We’re all Shiri, just like we were all Rachel Goldberg-Polin,” Lundy Weinblatt said at the event. “We are all a mother who wants to protect her children.”
She and Buxbaum shared how they were impacted by the confirmation of the Bibas’ deaths, then Lundy Weinblatt invited attendees to share their feelings with the moms around them. Two attendees expressed that it felt like their non-Jewish friends and coworkers didn’t understand the depth of the collective grief surrounding Shiri Bibas and her sons.
“Outside of this community, it seems like no one really gets it,” one shared with the group.
Lundy Weinblatt led attendees through a guided meditation exercise and invited them to write a postcard with a message of “strength and hope” to a mother in Israel.
Meaning
Buxbaum, a mom of six, found herself weeping on the couch when she read the news that Shiri Bibas and her 4-year-old and 9-month-old sons were dead. At the time, Buxbaum had one child home with the flu and another home from a half day at school.
“I was a wreck,” she said at the event.
She admitted that when Lundy Weinblatt contacted her about holding a community circle, she felt it was far too soon: “I’m still sitting shiva.”
Buxbaum decided to harness this energy and attempt to provide others with meaning as the community moves on from its grief. During what one attendee called an “inspiring, insightful” talk, Buxbaum differentiated between acute and latent awareness.
The initial acute grief is an intense feeling that may disrupt one’s ability to function normally.
“It’s disrupting and creating tumult in our lives,” Lundy Weinblatt said of Hamas’ actions in Gaza. “It makes it hard for us to be in our community and be supportive parents.”
Latent awareness of grief happens when one adapts to the loss and can continue on with life, even finding satisfaction, she said.
Grief is difficult because “we don’t want to just move on,” Buxbaum said. At the same time, she encouraged attendees to live with purpose — “Judaism teaches that we have to carry on with life.”
“If you know why you’re living, you can withstand anything,” Buxbaum said.
She spoke to the importance of doing a mitzvah for Shiri Bibas. Lundy Weinblatt added that she found purpose running on the treadmill in honor of the Israeli mother.
Counselor Efrat Hochstetler of the Israeli Embassy also shared her experience as a mother and tearfully expressed her thanks for the many Americans gathered outside the embassy when the news of the Bibas’ deaths broke.
“They were the face of this whole situation,” Hochstetler said of Shiri Bibas and her redheaded boys, adding that the Bibas family’s loved ones were in a state of uncertainty for the past 16 months and couldn’t properly grieve as they didn’t know the status of the three.
“How much suffering could this family possibly go through?” Hochstetler asked. “Finally we can mourn and start fresh.”
Michal Helfgott, a Rockville resident who attended the event, said she was inspired by Hochstetler’s personal stories of Israeli mothers who are overcoming grief and hardship, such as Shelly Shem Tov, whose son, Omer Shem Tov, was recently released from captivity.
Helfgott attended the event for a sense of community, “to be with other Jewish women, to feel an understanding and to grieve together.”
Dorit Voda of Potomac said she came to show her support as an Israeli woman who misses her country. She liked how Buxbaum validated attendees’ feelings while giving them ways to continue through the grief.
The program ended with Rebbetzin Dahlia Topolosky of Kehilat Pardes – The Rock Creek Synagogue playing the guitar and singing “Acheinu” — “a tribute to the Israeli hostages” — and “Hatikvah,” Israel’s national anthem.
“I sang from the heart,” Topolosky told Washington Jewish Week after the event.
For Jewish mothers in Greater Washington who feel that they need support, Julie Lundy Weinblatt is offering ‘From Mourning to Meaning,’ a two-part virtual community circle mini-series.
