The local Jewish community can be a way to make friends, connect deeper to one’s faith and learn about shared history. Some have also found a significant other through a Jewish space.
In honor of Tu B’Av, which is celebrated on the Jewish calendar as a holiday of love, enjoy these local love stories that include a good old-fashioned newspaper ad and a pandemic-era romance.
‘It pays to advertise’
On Thursday nights, Cindy Hallberlin, a divorced recovering attorney, would put her two kids to bed, then read Washington Jewish Week’s “Matchmaking” advertisements, looking for her perfect match: “It was like a ritual.”
“I was so frustrated I wasn’t meeting anybody or meeting the right person that I put [an ad] in,” said Hallberlin, then 39, referring to WJW’s since discontinued page.
Little did she know, her now-husband of 25 years, Joel Kanter, had also submitted a personal ad in the same newspaper issue in February 1997. Kanter, then 46 and divorced, said he called Hallberlin after coming across her ad, which said she was seeking an optimistic, upbeat Jewish man with an active lifestyle who liked children. He was looking for an intelligent “somewhat unconventional” Jewish woman with a fulfilling career, and she seemed to fit the bill.
But Hallberlin was seeing someone else she’d met through the ads.
When Hallberlin’s date went back to an ex-girlfriend six weeks later, Hallberlin called Kanter, whose number she had written down “as a back-up.”
The pre-dating app days were different, Kanter told me — JDate and Match.com did not yet exist, so he and Hallberlin had relied on a two-sentence description and a voicemail.
This approach worked in their favor because neither Kanter nor Hallberlin prioritized what he calls “the superficial” — neither included a physical description in their respective ads, nor did they list physical “requirements” for a prospective partner. Kanter wanted to be able to have a meaningful conversation over focusing on appearance.
Their first date, at Mark’s Kitchen in downtown Takoma Park, lasted for an hour and 15 minutes until Kanter checked his watch for the time — Hallberlin thought, “Oh my God, I’m boring him.”
Kanter said he had to leave — “Oh, this is a bad date,” Hallberlin feared he was thinking — because his two kids were at home in front of the television, and he didn’t like leaving them home alone.
“I was immediately impressed with that, because he was putting his children in front of what I thought was an interesting hour and 15 minutes that we experienced,” Hallberlin said. “That was the next thing checked off my list, that he was family-focused, which is super important.”
Kanter was also happy with the date, noting that while there “wasn’t instant chemistry,” he was interested in getting to know Hallberlin.
“She’s a very warm, giving, bright person,” Kanter said, adding that he liked that Hallberlin was successful in her career and that she “thought outside of the box.”
The two managed to meet up three times in the next two weeks, despite the fact that both had two kids and a job and lived in different towns — Kanter in Silver Spring and Hallberlin in Takoma Park.
The two were married in 1999 and raised their children, ages 7, 10, 13 and 16, as a blended family in Takoma Park.
Kanter described a “great life over the past 25 years;” their kids have grown up and Kanter and Hallberlin are grandparents now. They celebrated their anniversary on Aug. 15, and Kanter surprised her with a poster of both of their WJW ads that led to their meeting.
Coincidentally, Kanter is not the only one in his family who found their spouse through a newspaper listing: his father met his current wife through an ad in the Chicago Tribune, and his sister met her wife through Our Lives, Wisconsin’s source for LGBTQ+ news.
At Kanter and Hallberlin’s wedding, the rabbi said, “It pays to advertise.”
The ‘Higher Power Lunch couple’
“I’m glad we’re better friends now.”
Those were the words Ben Litwin said to Jen Wachtel Litwin after their first date: a Zoom call in October 2020. The two had originally met through a mutual friend at a Washington Hebrew Congregation service and were acquaintances.
During the pandemic, Ben and Jen Litwin signed up for a virtual matchmaking event, “Expedition Love in the Sukkah,” through Moishe House and Camp Nai Nai Nai. On the last day of the five-day program, Ben and Jen Litwin were matched up for an hour and given three challenges to work through together.
“We just kept talking and talking and talking, for three or four hours that evening. We did not want to hang up,” Jen Litwin said, which is why she was surprised when Ben Litwin had referred to the two as “better friends.”
“I was confused, because I thought we were meeting in a romantic context, and Ben had basically just friendzoned me at the end of what I thought was a nice date,” Jen Litwin said.
She was glad to find out that Ben Litwin was also romantically interested in her, his intentions made clear after a second video chat that he initiated.
“Then afterwards, Ben sent me this message that was like, ‘By the way, did you get that I was thinking of yesterday as a date?’ then ‘I’m interested in you, and if you’re also interested in me, would you like to meet up in person?’” Jen Litwin recounted. “Thank God.”
Their next few dates were socially distanced, with the two sitting six feet apart on separate picnic blankets and wearing masks. One date was a walk around an Arlington neighborhood that circled the same block about five times.
“We didn’t really want to ever let the date stop,” Ben Litwin said. “We ended up grabbing takeout and eating it on my balcony. It was beautiful.”
After a couple more masked dates between Arlington and Silver Spring, where they respectively lived, the two made their relationship official in January 2021.
“Every night of Chanukah, we video called and lit the candles together,” Ben Litwin said.
The relationship made sense to them: they both wanted to raise a Jewish family, were tied to the Washington, D.C., area for their jobs, shared political and religious views and had common interests, such as science fiction and musical theater.
At WHC, the Litwins are known as the “Higher Power Lunch couple,” named for the Torah study group they attend. Jen Litwin used to lead a “schmooze” on Zoom before Rabbi Aaron Miller signed on to lead the Torah study. When Jen’s job as an archivist got in the way, Ben Litwin took over the role of chatting and forming personal connections with congregants.
Ben and Jen Litwin moved in together in July 2022 in Pentagon City. They said they had practically lived together before then, switching between their two apartments and spending most of their time together teleworking and commuting. Ben Litwin proposed in May 2023 and the two were married in August, two weeks before speaking to Washington Jewish Week.
“We just always knew that’s where we wanted to go with this,” Ben Litwin said.
Their wedding, at Airlie in northern Virginia, combined Jewish tradition with their “super nerdy” side — Jen Litwin walked down the aisle to the theme from “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and the two served a signature cocktail that combined their love for “Star Wars” and “Star Trek.”
Miller of Washington Hebrew Congregation officiated the Litwins’ wedding, a decision that was a “no-brainer” for the couple.
“He knew us both individually and as a couple. He saw us start off dating and he saw us get engaged. He’s been there for the duration of our relationship,” Jen Litwin said. “So he’s just a huge part of our lives.”
