Rabbi Jon Cutler
This week’s Torah portion is Vayishlach: Genesis 32:4 – 36:43.
And thou, do not fear, O My servant Jacob; neither be dismayed, O Israel; for, lo, I will save you from afar, and your seed from the land of their captivity; and Jacob shall return and sit in quiet and ease, and none shall make him afraid (Jeremiah 30:10).
In this week’s Torah portion, Vayishlach, Jacob and Esau, twin brothers, live a life of contention, conspiracy and treachery. Jacob lies to his father Isaac as he is dying. He steals his brother’s birthright. Esau vows to kill his twin brother. Jacob flees to his uncle Laban’s home. Twenty years pass and God tells Jacob to return home. He received word that his brother will meet him on his way home. Jacob is afraid. He tries to mollify Esau by sending him gifts. Then, the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau; he himself is coming to meet you, and there are four hundred men with him” (Genesis 32:7). Jacob understands that his brother is approaching with a small army. And then: Jacob was afraid (vayera), very fearful (vayetzer), he divided the people with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two camps (Genesis 32:7-8).
Two times the verse uses the word “fear”: vayera and then vayetzer. The first word for fear is also the word for awe. As we gaze upon the mystery of the heavens, the boundary between awe and fear is ever so slight. We are afraid of our vulnerability at the same time we are in awe of the grandeur and the blessings that abound.
The second word for fear, vayetzer, comes from the root: narrow. This kind of fear constricts our very being. Some rabbis teach that the two words for fear indicate the two fears within Jacob’s heart; he is afraid of being killed by his brother and he is also afraid that he may be forced to kill when his brother attacks him (Radak, 13th-century biblical commentator and philosopher).
And like Jacob, we hold both types of fear. Sometimes we feel the contradiction of vayera: awe and fear. We are in awe of the beauty that abounds. “I behold Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and stars that You set in place” (Psalm 8:4). But so often the vastness makes us afraid of what we are that “You have been mindful of us, we are mortal, do You take note of us?” (Psalm 8:5) We are afraid because we have so little control.
And sometimes we feel vayetzer. Constricted. Will there be enough — love, friendship, recognition, and affluence? Who among us is not afraid of judgment? We walk through the world clenched, and anxious.
But we do have a choice: love. Love is the opposite of fear. The prayer, ahava rabah, teaches that God chooses Israel out of love. We are thankful for the many blessings in our lives. That is an act of love from God.
And yet we struggle. Living is not easy. Life is often a struggle with unseen forces, wrestling with people, with circumstances, and with inner demons. In the darkness we wrestle between love and fear.
It is nighttime by the river Jabbok. Darkness is everywhere, upon the land, and upon the soul. It is dead quiet, and Jacob is afraid. And suddenly a divine being tosses him. He tumbles, twists as he tries to steady himself. Who are you? Who are you that seizes our fear? Who is the one injuring us? And then, Jacob pleas for a blessing, a blessing that will wipe away his fear: “Let me go, for dawn is breaking.” But he answered, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” And the divine being answers, “Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel, for you wrestle with beings divine and human. And you have prevailed” (Genesis 32:27-29).
And from that moment we are named. We are not the children of Abraham, nor are we the children of Isaac. We are not even the children of Jacob. We are Israel, struggling to be free of our fears, yearning to live with awe, unclenched, open-hearted, in love and blessing.
Rabbi Jon Cutler leads Beth Israel Congregation of Chester County, Pennsylvania.
