Devorah Stolik loves networking and forming connections within the community. She often utilizes these “matchmaking” skills whether she’s teaching Hebrew school or leading a women’s study session at Chabad.
Stolik is the director of Chabad of Olney’s Hebrew School of the Arts, where she teaches 33 students ranging from kindergarten to seventh grade.
Originally from Brooklyn, New York, she lives in Olney with her husband, Rabbi Bentzy Stolik, and their nine children.
Tell me about your Jewish upbringing and background.
I’m from a big family; I’m one of 15. We were raised in Crown Heights, which was totally different from living in the suburbs of Olney. I grew up in an all-Orthodox community, very different from what I’m doing today. I volunteered at various Chabad summer camps during my teenage years.
I grew up in a very close family. We did all the holidays together — all my first cousins, even some of my second cousins. Even though we’re a massive family, we’re very close and committed to family. That was a big part of my life.
Have you always wanted to go into teaching?
Always. From when I was a little girl, I remember playing school with my dolls. I’ve always loved education. After I graduated high school, I took two years of intensive teacher training. It was a big commitment because I really had to work for it and not take on other stuff, but I knew it was something that was going to help me. I’m so glad I did because it definitely gave me the tools I need for what I do today. I also found that taking the courses was a boost for me when I eventually taught adults. Our Chabad has a very nice women’s group; about 30 women come together to learn and study. I don’t think I would’ve had that confidence to teach [or] to educate [without that training].
What are some moments that you cherish as a teacher?
I look at everything I do in my life — teaching included — like matchmaking. I love connecting people through my work. Let’s say I’ll notice a certain family and pick up on their vibe. I’ll try to make an opportunity to connect families. I don’t just say, “You guys should be friends,” but I present an opportunity. Something I’ve done that works beautifully is suggest Shabbat on the block. I encourage families to host at least one family; I make them challah and send them wine and a little game. Some of these families are friends now; they take it beyond “hi, bye” at the carpool lane.
I do the same thing with friends. When I know a certain kid would connect well with other families, I’ll make a point at dropoff or pick-up to tell the parent, “I think this kid really connects with your child. Make a playdate!” It’s honestly the biggest joy to me when I see connections made.
How do you balance being a mom of nine with your work and responsibilities?
I love to say what my mother always said, “Who says I’m managing?” I don’t feel like there’s one right answer; I think we’re all trying our best. I have good help at home. My husband is amazing; he has a lot of patience. For me, my kids are my No. 1. They are my job; they are my work.
I would also say definitely delegate tasks. Responsibilities that only you can do, you do. Responsibilities that you’re able to give over to someone else … try to give to somebody else so that I can have my energy to be able to actually be there for my kids emotionally, physically. The mom doesn’t have to do everything. Parenting is very hard, so you have to take care of yourself.
What are some of the most important Jewish values you’d like to instill in your students and children?
I would say kindness and giving, making the world a better place, looking out for others. If one of my kids has a lot of friends, I tell them, “You have a gift; you have to share that gift. Look out for that kid that doesn’t have friends. What are you doing about it?”
Some of the values we try to model in our home is an open home, welcoming others not just physically but also in the conversations we have.
What are some things that bring you joy?
Definitely children. Connections. Like I mentioned earlier, I am very close with my family, so being a tight-knit family [brings me joy]. I love jumping on a FaceTime call [with them] all the time just to be connected. I don’t like to be alone; I like people. Any time I can connect is great. I love to cook; I love trying a new recipe. I love hosting. Hosting can be a casual Sunday afternoon with one of my friends; it can be Friday night dinner that we host every week. Sometimes I wonder, We’re so busy; our hands are so full. Do we really need to have someone over? And the truth is that every time people come to my house and they leave and we’re tired and cleaning up, I’m always so fulfilled.
Wow