Upon leaving rabbinical school, Rabbi Amelia Wolf was advised to “wait for a year before talking too much about Israel” during services.

She was left with no choice after the Oct. 7 terrorist attack on Israel.

Wolf, who began at Congregation Etz Hayim in Arlington in July 2023, said she often finds herself discussing Israel, antisemitism and being Jewish in America from the bimah since the Israel-Hamas war began.

“I feel like I’m constantly sharing, but I’m very, very careful. I try not to speak too personally,” Wolf said. “‘What do I believe the people in the room need to hear? What do I believe will offer them comfort or offer that challenge?’ versus ‘What do I personally feel weighing on me that I wish I could talk about in my community?’ Those aren’t always the same thing.”

She created an opportunity to openly have these conversations through “A Safe Space to Discuss Israel,” held at Etz Hayim on July 28. The conversation was facilitated by psychotherapist Irina Katz, who Wolf said set up a “calm and gracious, nonjudgmental” atmosphere; Katz specializes in trauma and has led support groups for Jewish youth processing their feelings after Oct. 7.

The eight attendees, who spanned multiple generations, talked about their feelings of isolation, the challenges associated with supporting Israel and the rise in antisemitism in their communities amid the ongoing Israel-Hamas war.

Some attendees felt that their non-Jewish friends had not checked in on them immediately after Oct. 7 and rather went “straight into moving forward from the whole tragedy,” Wolf said, adding that some said non-Jewish people often struggle with “seeing the humanity of Israelis.”

“There were some who felt that the humanity of Palestinians wasn’t always being held,” Wolf said. “Folks spoke about the challenge of what it mean[s] to love and support Israel, how to prosecute a war — what does that even mean? What does it look like? What are we hoping for?”

Attendees also shared stories about how they or their loved ones have been targeted for being Jewish: “In America right now, people have felt torn down or targeted, been subjected to verbal attacks …”

There were disagreements during the two-hour discussion, which Wolf said the attendees handled civilly. During moments of political disagreement, Katz brought the conversation back to a personal level.

“It was honestly very emotional and hopeful for me to see everyone relating to each other in person as a human being deserving of respect, even when there were definitely disagreements,” Wolf said.

Wolf hoped to foster an open, safe environment for community members to express themselves after noticing that she and members of Etz Hayim felt overwhelmed by many strong emotions: sadness, fear, worry about judgment, alienation and isolation after Oct. 7.

Wolf said some of these congregants feared sharing their opinions on Israel, so the small group of participants was an effective approach.

“I wanted to make sure that within my congregation, people who wanted the space to come together and express themselves could do that, knowing that even if what they said might be in disagreement with someone else in the room — there might be political differences — that they would know that it was still safe; that they would still be seen as a beloved member of the same community and not feel pushed out because of what they were thinking,” Wolf said.

With non-Jewish people, some attendees were scared of being deemed “too Jewish” and afraid to connect with Israel due to anti-Israel sentiment and antisemitism. Some attendees feared that their opinions might be misconstrued as anti-Israel in Jewish spaces.

“In some ways, it feels like there’s no such thing as a safe space for any of this,” Wolf said. “We’re all very defensive and afraid, understandably.”

The safe space to talk about Israel was about personal connections — Wolf said she has lost a family member in Israel and others in the group have a relative serving in the Israel Defense Forces — and emotions. She said this space was not an opportunity to correct nor educate others.

“Having a space [where] explicitly, we’re not here to talk about politics, and we can if they come up, but we’re not here to argue about who should be the next prime minister of Israel,” Wolf said. “We’re actually here to talk about our own feelings and stories and how we relate.”

She noted that much discourse about Israel takes place online, where people engaging in those conversations don’t see one another face-to-face. In an in-person situation, Wolf said, people are far more likely to listen to one another and take one’s humanity into account.

“If one person was speaking very strongly against a group of people and how they’re deeply frustrated with that group of people, someone else in the room said, ‘I feel maybe I’m connected to that [group],’ the tone changed completely,” Wolf said.

“We’re all in the same community,” Wolf said. “So even if we disagree, we can trust each other. We have the best interest of ourselves and each other and of the Jewish people at heart.”

zbell@midatlanticmedia.com