One by one, Jewish Rockville residents approached the bimah and read a Torah portion or a sentence in Hebrew, a culmination of months of preparation.
Far from the traditional b’nai mitzvah age of 12 or 13, these celebrants were in their 70s and 80s. The adult b’nai mitzvah took place at Revitz House, an independent living residence at Charles E. Smith Life Communities, in Rockville on Feb. 7.
Esther Strauss, a three-year resident of Revitz House, never had a bat mitzvah growing up.
“I was born in 1943, which meant that when I was 12 or 13, it was in the ’50s and girls just weren’t bat mitzvahed then,” Strauss said. “It was anathema.”
The 82-year-old “complained” about this to CESLC’s rabbi-in-residence, Rabbi Emily Howard Meyer, last year.
“I said I really kind of envied my daughter because she had a bat mitzvah when she was the right age, and [Rabbi] Emily said, ‘We can take care of that,’” Strauss recalled. “She was absolutely wonderful, because she just took it on and ran with it and did everything that she possibly could to help us.”
In a volunteer capacity, Howard Meyer gathered Strauss and seven other Revitz House residents who were interested in becoming b’nai mitzvah. The group met on Monday afternoons for an hour and a half starting in July, covering the Hebrew alphabet, traditional music and the ins and outs of the service.
“We just became this lovely group of people who studied together,” Howard Meyer said.
“I think all eight of us enjoyed it immensely because [Rabbi Emily] made it so interesting to do,” Strauss said.
Yelena Sadigurski, a 14-year resident of Revitz House, was another member of the group. Having grown up in the Soviet Union, she didn’t learn that she was Jewish until the age of 42.
When Howard Meyer proposed the adult b’nai mitzvah program to her, Sadigurski figured, “Why not?”
The interest in the initiative went both ways.
“I had always wanted to do an adult class because there are certain learning experiences that you can have that are different with adults than with people who are 12 or 13,” Howard Meyer said.
The rabbi added that she was able to facilitate deeper conversations with the residents on topics that she wouldn’t broach with a tween b’nai mitzvah student. The group studied and discussed Mishpatim, the following week’s Torah portion, connecting the text to the contemporary era.
“‘What did that mean at that time?’ And then we really would open up into racism in America — ‘How did that come? How was that different than in biblical times?’” Howard Meyer said. “We really delved deep into it, and ‘What did it mean to be a woman at that time and as opposed to today?’ … We go so much deeper and talk about things from an adult perspective.”
Despite the age difference, the experience of leading the group was much the same as Howard Meyer’s usual b’nai mitzvah tutoring sessions.
“They had all of the same fear: ‘What will my family think of this? Did I do enough? Will I learn my piece of Hebrew well enough to feel comfortable? I’m scared of being up in front of all these people,’” she said. “It’s all the same anxieties a kid would have, which is almost surprising because these are people who are very professional in their lives, and yet, at this moment, they were just like my 12- or 13-year-olds.”
Sadigurski said she was “so nervous” to speak in front of the crowd of fellow residents, family members and friends: “I don’t know how teenagers feel, but I was very nervous.”
Instead of reciting an entire Torah portion, Sadigurski made a painting. Another resident designed the cover of the siddur, and yet another performed on the piano.
The public speaking jitters weren’t unmanageable for Strauss, who read Mishpatim at the Feb. 7 ceremony.
“I felt pretty good, like I should be there,” Strauss said of being up on the bimah. “I was nervous a little bit. I practiced a little bit every evening.”
“It was just an absolutely lovely, warm and wonderful energy,” Howard Meyer said. “There [were] so many families there of the residents — their kids, their grandkids were there — and so you could feel this pride radiating.”
Sadigurski’s daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law’s mother flew in from Russia to attend, as well as her son and 14-year-old grandson. She was especially eager to show her visiting family members what a b’nai mitzvah service looked like.
“I was very excited,” Sadigurski said. “I knew that it [would] be different from what they expect[ed]. They don’t really have experience with any Jewish service or a synagogue in America. But it was even better than anybody expect[ed]. It was impressive and very, very touching.”
Strauss’ son, daughter, grandson and grandson’s friend attended to show their support.
“It was fantastic having them here and having them see me do it,” she said. “It really meant a lot to me to be bat mitzvahed. It just made me feel like I really belonged.”
“It felt like I was given this sacred duty to make this fulfilling and allow them to find the meaning that would be for them,” Howard Meyer said.
After the service, residents and their loved ones dug into a dairy dinner and cake, then danced to live klezmer music, all organized by Cathy Tricquet, CESLC’s manager of life and leisure.
Howard Meyer has already received an outpouring of interest in this program: “I would love to run another one and I have a ton of people who would love to do it.”
Many of the original eight residents initially worried they were “too old” for a traditional b’nai mitzvah. But Strauss and Sadigurski are glad they followed through.
“I enjoyed the whole process,” Strauss said.
Her advice to fellow older adults looking to become b’nai mitzvah? “I would say try to find someone who could help you, and go for it, because you’ll feel wonderful.”
