Carolyn Cukierman, a longtime McLean resident whose Jewish identity shaped her family life and community involvement and who helped develop a Fairfax County project to reduce isolation among older adults, died June 29 after suffering a hemorrhagic stroke. She was 75.
Cukierman spent much of her career in government-related consulting and strategic planning. After working for the U.S. military in Germany, she held positions in the Washington area and later became an independent consultant. Her work included projects for the Armed Forces Retirement Home.
Her older sister, Elissa Kaplan, said Cukierman worked on strategic planning for the retirement home and helped plan its Gulfport, Mississippi, facility.
Cukierman also applied those skills to Jewish and community organizations. Kaplan said she helped develop a strategic plan for Gesher Jewish Day School in Fairfax and did consulting work for The Jewish Federation of Greater Washington and the Arava Institute, an Israeli-Palestinian environmental organization.
In Fairfax County, Cukierman focused on loneliness, isolation and access to services for older adults. She helped develop the “Friend Mobile,” designed to bring information and assistance into communities, especially for people without internet access.
Her husband, Valentin Cukierman, described her as a hard worker who was quick to understand issues and someone colleagues relied on.
She and her husband raised two sons, Ari and Aviv, in a home where Jewish identity was important. The boys attended Gesher Jewish Day School and had bar mitzvahs at Congregation Olam Tikvah in Fairfax. The family also was involved with Congregation Adat Reyim in Springfield during its early years in the 1980s.
Ari Cukierman said Jewish heritage “played a central role” in their childhood.
Cukierman hosted gatherings at the family’s McLean house that sometimes drew 40 or more guests. She cooked much of the food, directed Passover seders and sometimes had Ari and Aviv play the piano.
“It was the conversation that brought us together,” Valentin Cukierman said.
Cukierman was born Oct. 19, 1950, in Valdosta, Georgia. Their parents, William and Ruth, owned a small grocery store.
Kaplan said there were about 30 Jewish families in Valdosta, and the sisters knew virtually all of them. Their mother lit Shabbat candles every Friday night, taught Sunday school and later taught a confirmation class for about 20 years. The girls attended Hebrew and Jewish studies classes and went to Camp Judea in Hendersonville, North Carolina.
Being Jewish in South Georgia made the sisters aware they were different from many classmates. Kaplan recalled other children telling them they were going to hell because they were Jewish and trying to convert them. Their father’s grocery store sometimes had its windows broken, which Kaplan believed was because he was Jewish.
In first grade, a teacher wanted Carolyn to play Mary in a Christmas program, but her mother refused.
“It was really obvious that we were not like everybody else,” Kaplan said.
Kaplan nevertheless described their childhood as calm and happy. The sisters spent much of their time outdoors, made up games and pretended to be teachers and students before they could read or write.
They became back-to-back valedictorians at their high school. Cukierman entered the University of Florida in 1968 and studied speech therapy.
Cukierman followed Kaplan and her husband, David, to Germany, where he was serving in the U.S. military. She lived there from 1978 to 1984.
She initially worked for the American Red Cross, helping military families deal with emergencies. She later obtained a government position in logistics and human resources. One assignment involved helping bring Burger King restaurants to Army posts, earning her the nickname “the Burger Queen,” Kaplan said.
Living in Europe gave Cukierman opportunities to travel. Later, she and Valentin traveled to Europe, Antarctica, South America, East Asia and North Africa. They also visited Israel several times. Their sons often accompanied them on their travels.
Cukierman met her future husband in 1986 at a chavurah gathering.
About 40 people were crowded into a one-room apartment with one couch, and Valentin Cukierman ended up sitting beside her.
They were married for 39 years.
“We found a lot in common in the way we talk about the world,” he said.
Her family remembered her humor and generosity. Ari Cukierman recalled that she sometimes went into long laughing fits.
Once in Germany, she saw two older women enter a travel agency wearing shower caps to protect their hair from the rain. She laughed so hard that Valentin had to assure the travel agent she was all right.
The Cukierman home was frequently open to visitors. After meeting a family in Poland, Cukierman invited their teenage son to live with the family while he attended high school in McLean. When friends or relatives were ill, she visited, brought food and helped with practical matters.
Cukierman suffered the stroke while hosting a retirement party for Valentin, a longtime Russian teacher, at their home. She developed a severe headache and was taken to Virginia Hospital Center in Arlington. Doctors determined the stroke had caused irreversible damage to her brain stem.
After the family decided to remove life support, Cukierman became an organ donor. Her liver and two kidneys were transplanted into three people, Ari Cukierman said.
Ari Cukierman said his mother often ended conversations with her sons by saying, “Remember who loves you.”
Valentin Cukierman said she remained interested in people and the world throughout her life.
“She was very positive, very supportive and very happy,” he said. “She always contributed goodness.”
Ellen Braunstein is a freelance obituary writer. She welcomes suggestions for individuals who had meaningful ties to the greater Washington Jewish community. Email csix@midatlanticmedia.com.
