You Should Know… Noah Goldstein

Photo by Samantha Cooper

Noah Goldstein is trying to break into comedy. Or work in sports broadcasting. Whichever will get him into bed by 10. The 24-year-old Goucher College graduate and transplant form California is just trying to live his life with a lot of laughs and sports.

What is your passion?

My passion? I have my friends and my family. [But] I’m still trying to figure that out. I’m kind of dabbling. I really like sports. I really like traveling. I have a passion for exercising, sleeping and cooking myself dinner every night. But I have to be in bed by 10, so anything happening after that is kind of inhibiting me from doing a lot.


I probably would have been president if I could have gotten a little less sleep. They say Benjamin Franklin got only two hours of sleep every night. Cool. He was probably grumpy every day.

What else is there?

Recently, I’ve been trying to get into stand-up comedy. I’ve done it six or seven times. I don’t know if it’s a passion yet, but I’m having a bomb. I’m going to keep going.

How do you get started in something like that?

It’s hard when you start because you have to prove you’re good. If you can’t prove you’re good you have to bring a bunch of friends. And I don’t want to stay [out] later than 8 p.m. and my friends don’t either, so we have places that are open mic. And they decide if you’re funny or not.

What does your comedy focus on?

It’s observational stuff. It’s self-deprecating humor. Anything I find funny, like expressions, kind of like hyperbolic things. Maybe you don’t want to have bubbe see me perform. It has some Jewish stuff.

What kind of Jewish stuff?

I’m a proud Reform Jew and I’m culturally Jewish. You’ll hear me quote Larry David and Mel Brooks more than you’ll hear me quote Maimonides. I’m a big sports fan, too, so you’ll hear me talk about Koufax and Greenberg a lot more than you’ll hear me talk about the Maccabees. That’s Judaism to me.

Why did you decide to do stand-up comedy?

Two years ago, I was walking down the street with my friend and we saw there was an open mic night. And it was the most pathetic open mic night. So I did it with things I’d been working on for a while.
It went OK, but I didn’t get the guts to do it again until my birthday, because I figured that was the only time I could get people to come watch. [But] this year I’ve done it four or five times.

What do you like about stand-up?

It’s a good way to — I don’t want to say critically think, but think about things in a weird way and kind of finding a way to find everything humorous. It’s a good way to make fun of yourself and, as far as social anxiety goes, I can just riff when I’m uncomfortable.

What’s a joke that’s always gone over really well?

I’ve got a bit of Lent. I’m not Catholic, but we Jews are good at giving things up. We give up foreskin. We give up bread. We’re givers. And my joke is that I’m giving up dating, but I really don’t get any dates.

So what would you call yourself?
I’m an amateur at everything I do.

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